Funny

Dog jokes to brighten up your Monday blues

Smiling Dog
Written by Bronwyn Hall

It’s Monday again and you’re not alone in suffering from those dastardly Monday blues. However, these dog jokes are almost guaranteed to bring a grin to your face. Keep scrolling and start smiling…

The dog who is striving to remember:

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.

3. The litter box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a ”face towel.”

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying “hello.”

8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house—not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

Smiling Dog

The one liners:

Q: When is a black dog not a black dog? A: When it’s a greyhound!

Q: How did the Westie feel when it saw a ghost? A: Terrier-fied!

Q: What do you get if you take a large dog for a walk? A: A Great Dane out!

Q: What happened to the dog who went to the flea circus? A: He stole the show!

The dog dictionary:

LEASH: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: A liquid that, when combined with sad eyes, forces humans to give you their food. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and get drool on the human.

SNIFF: A social custom used to greet other dogs, similar to the human exchange of business cards.

BATH: If you find something especially good to roll in, humans get jealous and they use this degrading form of torture to get even. Be sure to shake only when next to a person or a piece of furniture

Happy twins

How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie:
The Border Collie realized the bulb wasn’t the problem, and is in the basement re-setting the breaker.

Dachshund:
You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler:
Make me.

Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?

German Shepard:
Alright, everyone stop where you are! Who busted the light?  I SAID, “STOP WHERE YOU ARE!!!”

About the author

Bronwyn Hall

Somebody once called me a fairy dogmother but most people call me a crazy dog lady.

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